Why We Need an International Men’s Day
Wednesday 19th is International Men's Day. This was recently added to the school calendar in the staffroom. When I walked past, someone had added a few question marks around it. It has taken many brave voices and shifts in attitudes to bring attention to the behaviour of some men. It has altered the conversation on equality and equity. We've made some progress in this, and there is arguably more work to do. With this in mind, I want to highlight why we need to continue to acknowledge International Men's Day.
1) We need to erase toxic masculinity without demonising men: The message is clear, we can no longer tolerate the attitudes of a time gone by. They just don't work in the modern era. But this has not been all men all the time, and we have to forgive this. We can only continue to erase it by holding them accountable and setting a precedent for future men to live better and work harder.
2) We need to encourage men to connect with one another: 40% of men have never spoken to anyone about their mental health. There is not enough healthy conversation around what we feel and how normal it all is. Male culture will take generations to alter, and in order to do that, we need to raise awareness and normalise men seeking help.
3) We need to educate young children about what it means to be a man: For us to change the trajectory of the next generation, we need to set examples to the current. There is no one way to be a man. Some of us need to admit that we are still trying to figure that out. But the conversation and openness need to be set. Letting younger boys and men know that openness and honesty can exist in a healthy format. Teaching young boys that they can still be respected while striving for equality.
4) Continue to raise the bar for gender equality on all fronts: If we are discussing what it means to be a man, we need to also address the wider notion of gender and what it means on all fronts. Modern masculinity has changed dramatically; there are more variations of it. Being a man can mean empowering other forms of gender too. Gender identity is important and is a conversation worth having at all ages.
5) Promote well-being for men: Three-quarters of registered suicide deaths in the UK in 2020 were men. Even when related to medical professionals like their GP, many men don't feel like they can raise the issue of mental health. Almost one quarter (22%) of respondents said they would not feel comfortable speaking to their GP or any other professional about their mental health. Letting children and young adults know that it is ok to express their emotions from an early age is vitally important. When else to talk about this but on International Men's Day?
6) Normalise emotional literacy: We need to address the stereotypes that we continue to present to boys and choose our words carefully. Language is powerful; we are full of old tropes carried forward from a culture that is no longer appropriate. Often, what we think of as throwaway comments or phrases can leave a little fingerprint which has the potential to become a young man’s identity.
7) Equitable fatherhood: We still have a long way to go to establish paternity rights for fathers but also in dismantling and challenging what it means to be a father. Both parents should share equal responsibility for the physical, psychological, and emotional well-being of their children. It is vitally important that we set the tone, that fatherhood comes in many different styles.
8) There is more than one template for a man: Some fathers only have their own fathers as role models. Creating opportunities for new fathers to emerge is important. Society no longer gets to dictate what makes a strong role model. Asking new fathers what type of role model they want to be for their children is a healthy discussion that we should encourage. Creating opportunities for men to talk openly is a strong start.
9) To observe the positive male role models we have: There are some amazing men out there. Carving their way through the vulnerable chaos of life. There are some that have changed the course of history, left a beautiful legacy, and continue to inspire new generations of men. Good role models should not be ignored or diminished.
10) The best friend: Men are less likely to have close bonds with other men. Forming male friendships is different for men; therefore, the support network or likelihood of having someone to talk to is massively reduced. Sports and exercise are vital for mental health and are positive opportunities to form bonds. But men need to understand that they all share similar issues and that talking about them can help reduce anxiety and increase wellbeing.
I hope we can all engage in a healthy dialogue and use International Men's Day as a chance to say thank you to the men in our lives and recognise the positive influences in our children's world.
